when you’re addicted to the “C”

I’m addicted to the “C,” or more precisely, the “C3.” It’s an expensive habit. I need to break it. If I did, or even if I cut back, I might be able to fill my gas tank more than a quarter full and then take a short vacay. But I’m lost to my addiction. I need a detox program. Or a 12-step. Catalina Crunch Cookies are a tough monkey to get off your back.

In case you think I’m being hyperbolic, here’s the math: in my market of choice, Sprouts, a box costs $7.99. No, that’s not a mistake. (And no, they’re not cheaper anywhere online. I looked.) Sixteen cookies for $7.99. Fifty cents a piece for a 1 3/4 inch sandwich cookie. A serving is two (oh, please!); I eat four a day. That’s $14 a week/$56-$64 a month depending on whether it’s February, March, or April. I usually buy just one box at a time even though it sends me to the grocery store every four days. Buying two boxes of cookies for $16 brings on a case of the vapors.

“But there is inflation everywhere!” you say. No. I’ve been buying these for a while. They’re so expensive, the Catalina snacks people didn’t even bother to raise the price when inflation kicked in. They knew $9 a box was a bridge too far.

The thing is, I don’t know why they’re so expensive except they’re keto and keto is trendy and trendy people are willing to pay the big bucks. Personally, I’m not keto. I just eat keto occasionally because it’s usually low/no sugar and sometimes higher protein. But the ingredients don’t sound expensive: palm fruit oil, pea protein, allulose, rice flour… Then again I haven’t bought a lot of palm fruit oil, pea protein, allulose, or rice flour lately, so maybe I shouldn’t be judgey.

Every time I buy a box, I think of Brokeback Mountain. I never actually saw the movie, but who can’t hear Jake Gyllenhaal all angst-y-like, wishing he “knew how to quit you.” But I don’t know how to quit. So I buy more. As addicts do.

Here’s a hot tip for the Girl Scouts: make keto cookies. People love them and you’d run the Catalina snacks people straight out of town. At least for a month. Heck, my purchases alone would fund a whole troop from Daisy to Ambassador.

And so, yes, I worry about gas prices. But I really worry about my bank-buster cookie habit. Catalina Crunch, I wish I knew how quit you. Maybe I should grab a box and actually watch the movie.If there’s ever any quitting going on I could use a few tips.

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